I have had it with all these stupid politicians. First they unfairly target people who work hard, and waste money doing so. They send me letters about the Economic Stimulus program, but at the end of the letter tell me I don't qualify for the package. Now, Obama wants to put me in the poor house.
So, as of today, August 23, 2008, I announce my candidacy for President of the United States of America. I believe there are no skeletons in my closet (George and Mike, how much to keep you both quiet?). I think I can get past the Naturalized Citizen thing... my father was serving this great country in Great Britain, where I was born, and I believe is not a terrorist nation.
So, join me to help save this great country. We will need to start taking contributions immediately if we are to make this happen. Send a PayPal payment to firstname.lastname@example.org. All donations will be re-donated to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital.
Thank you, my fellow Americans, and God Bless the United States of America!